Another bad day in paradise

I have spent most of the day under a duvet in bed. After all along with a host of other things I am and do if I have a duvet downstairs I am perceived as weird and wrong.

The husband has worked away in his office as usual pausing to let me know his car is ready at the weekend and there will be a bill to pay along with a speeding ticket he has got probably through no fault of his own.

I had the Facebook meltdown or six and strangers tried their best to be supportive but of course it is people that have really known me I want to care. You know people I was at school with for 6 or more years, people I was at college with for 3 years and people who know both husband and me. Too much to ask of course.

A card and some orders of service arrived from my brother’s husband. Apparently Michael was always proud of me which makes me wonder why he saw me so little. Too late now.

I have not eaten – can’t see the point in sustaining this big fat ugly body.

I have worked but ducked a call with the employer/not employer. Sick of pointless phone calls. Only people who want to speak to me on the phone are those who are paying me which again speaks volumes.

I will of course have to come round or I will be in trouble yet again with the husband. The children need a better Mum too and if I am not seen as fit enough to stay here I need to work out where in the world I might fit in and a way to get there.

This Mum's Life

2 Comments

  1. My heart really goes out to you, reading this, it sounds like your head and heart are in such a sad and turbulent place at the moment. I’m so sorry that you’re suffering, and really do hope that you can find some peace in your heart, and where you fit in the world-not an easy task I know… sending much love from #bigpinklink x

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