Summertime is the theme set by Best Boot Forward this week. Mine started so well with music festival followed by a rock night and then a great day of shopping for exciting things like shoes, knickers and a bra. It was all going so well.
I am now nursing a bout of cystitis which is pissing me off. If you have had it you will know it is a rotten condition. You have to go to the loo but you don’t want to because it stings and burns. You have pain in the tummy and feel run down so can’t get stuff done effectively. Your read up online and get conflicting advice on whether cranberry juice helps or not. Your drink gallons of the stuff anyway. Husband is dispatched to get powders from the pharmacy. You make sure your hygiene is on point and try to go knickerless but still you’ve got that burning feeling. It gets me down to be honest.
Add to that my 17 year old who is trying to work out what to do next. He did not do particularly well in his GCSEs which shocked him and us. He is clearly very intelligent along with a deep interest in politics, history and philosophy. It is difficult to work out whether he did not put the work in or whether the system let him down. Perhaps I let him down by doing too well academically in my youth. He did get some very good grades notably in maths and RS but then of course we came to France. We felt a year of doing not much would serve him well and I think that is true. We have seen our son emerge again after all that stress that school can bring.
That year is up now and he is chomping at the bit to do something. He does not want to return to education but feels he must if he is to get a decent job in time. He has no clear idea of what he wants to do but has vague passions for gaming and acting both of which I imagine are highly competitive fields.
Although I am happy to support him, I am not sure how much I should help him. If I nanny him too much at this point, that cannot be a good thing. Equally, I want him to be happy and to help him navigate his way but a lot of my suggestions fall on deaf ears.
I do understand that my French dream may well not be his and that eventually I may have to go back to the UK and perhaps sooner rather than later so that he can reconnect with his friends and look at his options to move forwards positively.
My son seems to have fallen for the lie that certain things have to be done by a certain age so keeps saying he is already a year behind and if he has to study for another 5 years that will make him 6 years behind. I mention that volunteering and work experience would help build his skills and confidence but of course he would like to make some money.
As for me, I like it here and want to stay for at least another year. I have no great wish to return to the UK but I guess as a good Mum maybe I will have to. Then my son will say he loves it here and if he could speak French and get a job he would be happy especially if we could get his health issue fixed once and for all.
And then if I am totally honest, I am struggling with the whole idea of letting my first child leave home at all. I love him and I like to have him around.
So wish me luck in the cystitis clearing soon and on the other front, I need to not get pissed off and just work out how to balance everyone’s needs as ever.